Is There Purpose in Our Pain?

Recent natural disasters, such as Hurricane Helene last fall and the recent flooding in Texas, have captured the attention and captivated the hearts of most Americans. While the extent of the physical damage has been staggering, even more devastating is the loss of lives. Whereas the initial reaction of most people to these catastrophes is one of sorrow for those who are impacted, seldom do individuals reflect on the real possibility that it can happen to them. It is always something that happens to others somewhere else. It is not uncommon, therefore, to lack preparedness or fail to equip ourselves to deal with any type of tragedy that we might encounter. We avoid the thought of it and resist allowing our minds to go there. 

But since we live in a broken world, we must recognize that at some point in our lives we will face a sudden event that brings about tremendous loss or destruction. When tragedy strikes, what do we do? How will we react? Will we feel it was undeserved, that we are entitled to something better? Will we become bitter, and blame or even reject God? Will we ask “why” did this happen to me? Or, will we say, “why not”, since calamity is to be expected in our fallen world. In fact, a prominent theme in scripture is that we will face difficult trials, and even suffering, as a result. So, when tragedy becomes reality, what are we going to do?

Our son was twenty-five when he unexpectedly went to Heaven. Never would we have dreamed that we would lose a child. We were instantly thrust into what many believe is the worst thing that could ever happen. At that moment my wife and I became “bereaved parents” with no idea how to navigate this new and unwanted identity. We were shattered, numb, in disbelief, and confused. We wondered how we could go on and what we were now supposed to do for the rest of our lives.

I would like to share some of the life-changing lessons that we have learned and wish that we had fully known before we experienced the devastation of child loss. They are certainly applicable to any type of tragedy.

One of the most prevalent apologetic questions that causes people to doubt the existence of God is: “Why does a loving God allow pain and suffering?” This question presents a major obstacle worldwide to people acknowledging God and becoming Christians. For parents who have lost a child, the question is, “Why did a loving God allow my child to die?” If you believe that God is omnipotent, then you know that His power is unlimited, He has complete authority, and He can do anything. He could have intervened at the moment of death and saved our loved ones. He is the only One who has the power to do that. Why didn’t He? God could have done something different with our son’s story or that of the families of Helene, the Texas flood, or any other tragedy one has experienced. So why didn’t He? 

We wrestled with this question for a very long time and finally came to a conclusion. We don’t know! And we simply aren’t going to know. We don’t know why God didn’t intervene in our son’s last battle to keep him here. No amount of questioning, no amount of detective work will ever give a definitive answer. We decided that we had a choice to make. We could continue asking the question for the rest of our lives, or we could place our trust in the Lord. “Trust the Lord” may sound like a trite saying when grieving the death of someone you love. What exactly does that mean? When we speak of “trusting the Lord,” there are several things that we mean. These are truths that we can trust and know for sure.

First, we can trust that the depth of God’s love for us is beyond our imagination. When we lose someone dear to us, we tend to think that no one loves them more than we do. That is not true, however. God loves them more than we can even comprehend. He created them and they belong to Him. That should mean a lot to us, to know that God loves them with a depth that is beyond our imagination. If we truly understand this concept, it can be life changing. He loves us that way too. The ultimate evidence is Jesus’ death on the cross. After losing our son, when we brought our sorrow to Him in lament, when we delved into the Bible with a new perspective, and when we truly trusted Him, we began to understand the depth of love that our Heavenly Father has for us. 

Second, we can trust that God’s intention toward us is always good. If you study the Bible to understand the character of God, you’ll see that His intentions toward us are always, only, good. I encourage you to take time to study the attributes of God so you can really understand His character.
             

Third, we can trust that even though we don’t know “why”, and our prayers may not be 

answered the way we want them to be; He hears us, and He cares about our grief. He wants us to continue to cry out to Him and He wants to comfort us in our affliction. 

Fourth, we can trust that He will hold us through the grief and pain and never leave us. We wrongly think that if we have enough faith, bad things will not happen to us. God’s promise is not that nothing bad will happen to us, but that when it does, He will carry us. He doesn’t always remove our suffering or difficulties, but He takes us through them. He doesn’t always take away our pain, He gives us strength to make it through the pain. He lets the storms come, but He gives us peace amidst the storm. We live in a broken world, and until Jesus returns and makes it all new, there will be suffering. But He will hold you. As Corrie ten Boom said, “there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still”.

While we knew there were numerous scriptures about suffering, until we experienced the devastation of child loss, we had no idea how prominent the theme of suffering was in the Bible. Suffering is not easy; it is a difficult process. It’s not something we usually ask for or would ever wish upon others. Suffering is hard, but as I heard someone say recently, “hard is hard – that doesn’t mean it’s always bad”. When we face suffering, we really have a choice, we can reject God and blame Him for our suffering, or we can trust Him and let Him do something in us that otherwise might not be accomplished without this level of pain. Our focus should not be on the bad things that are happening to us, but on how we are going to respond to those difficulties.

Let’s explore what can happen to us because of the suffering that we experience.

First, suffering can draw us into intimacy with God that can only be known through hardship. As much as we may strive to know God in the good times, it’s just not the same as when we are at the end of ourselves, falling on our faces in agony, and crying out to the Lord. These are the times when we are the most honest with God. These are the times that we grow in intimacy with Him. 

Second, suffering can deepen our trust in God. We sense His presence through the trial, and we experience His comfort. I can look back over the last nine years and see how God has held me, has comforted me, and has been there in every moment of my life. We can find peace and even have joy, fulfillment, and purpose amidst pain and grief. 

Third, suffering produces character.  Romans 5:3-5 states,

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Fourth, suffering can help us focus on eternity, not on earth. Many of our priorities change.  

Paul says in Philippians 3:18-21,

For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Fifth, suffering can produce spiritual growth and maturity. James 1:2-4 says,

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

After listing the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) Paul instructs in Galatians 5:24 that “those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires”. Suffering helps us learn how to “walk by the Spirit” (vs. 25).

Sixth, suffering can deepen our strength and resilience. God gives us the strength to walk through fiery trials, and He is right there with us. Facing things that would have seemed unimaginable before we suffered, we now know that we are not alone, and we have more courage to trust the Lord as we encounter additional suffering. 

Seventh, suffering can fill our hearts with compassion. We begin to recognize the suffering of others in a different way than before, and we respond with compassion. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says,

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

The pain and suffering that comes from life’s tragedies changes us. Pain and suffering, and the grief that follows, usually come at a time we do not expect. We are caught off guard and not prepared for it. It will ambush us and disrupt our lives. It has a way of changing us more than any other experience that we might encounter. It makes us better people. 

When suffering comes your way, cry out to the Lord. Share your pain, complaints, and struggles, asking Him for help, expressing your trust in Him even amidst your circumstances, and giving Him praise. This is the essence of lament. God invites us to lament, and He meets us there. 

When tragedy becomes part of your life’s story, you can find purpose in your pain.